On November 16th, 2000, at five a.m., my husband, Dan and I, left our home in Wisconsin to complete a two year adoption process and begin a new life with our daughter, Tess.
We flew from O'Hare Airport to Los Angeles, and from L.A. up to Alaska, around the Bering Strait, over Russia, Mongolia and the mainland of China, landing in Hong Kong about thirty hours later. Hong Kong is a general name given to a group of islands which includes Hong Kong island and the New Territories that are attached to the mainland of China. Hong Kong Airport is located on the island of Lantau, our hotel, the Salisbury YMCA is located on Kowloon. Even though we were
exhausted, the taxi ride at night was beautiful.
The islands were lit up with a huge array of
skyscrapers and bridges. As we crossed into
Kowloon, the city streets were busy with
shoppers and nightlife. The streets were loud
and exciting. The Salisbury YMCA is located
right by the bay with views of the water. It is
next door to the famous Peninsula Hotel and
it was much nicer than we anticipated.
The next morning, Saturday, we hit the streets
to shop and sightsee. It seemed to us as if all
6.6 million people who live in Hong Kong were
on the street that day. Suit salesmen and men
selling "copy watches" try to entice you into
buying their merchandise. People are handing
out pamphlets and menus. It was very loud and
crowded, but it was also fun. We ate lunch in
a diner called the "Chicken Farm", it was busy with lots of people-a good sign. They had very good noodles and it was interesting to people-watch as we ate. There are many young people in Hong Kong, they are very friendly and polite. We walked up the block to a popular shopping mall which turned out to be enormous. It had three levels about a mile long each. It had every designer showroom under heaven, it was amazing! The prices were better than in the U.S., but not the legendary low prices
we had heard about. We bought some beautiful children's clothes in a Parisian store
and before we left, stopped to see the
Toys 'R Us store. It was a madhouse,
just like home!
On Sunday, we took the Star Ferry
over to Hong Kong island. We started
at the Man Mo Buddhist Temple which
was fascinating with Buddhist's
burning incense and shrines stacked
with food offerings. We then walked
about the Cat Street Market of antiques
which is nearby. The market got much
busier in the afternoon, and you could buy antiques, jewelry, clothing and food. We shopped for awhile and then took a taxi to Victoria Peak. They have a tram which takes you almost ninety degrees straight up to the top. The view is spectacular. We had a lovely lunch and walked around the peak in what else? A mall!
On Monday, we met our group from Holt International
for the first time. We would spend the rest of the trip
together. We were known as the Jiangxi 10 group
because all our daughters were from Jiangxi Province and
we were the tenth group to go to Jiangxi for the year.
There were eleven families and we would receive twelve
babies-with one couple expecting twins. All the families
seemed very nice an just as nervous as ourselves. We
all applied for our visas which would be ready at the end
of the day. Until then, we had the rest of the day on our
own. Dan and I went to the Hong Kong Art Museum and
had high tea at the Regent Hotel with a beautiful view of
the bay. This was our last afternoon as a couple, the next day we would become parents! We were nervous and excited.
Tuesday morning the Jiangxi 10 group met in the lobby and readied ourselves to fly to
Nanchang, the capitol of Jiangxi Province. By the afternoon we would all meet our daughters and the real adventure would begin!
Hong Kong was a wonderful place, I look forward to going back. On November 21, 2000, my mind was focused only on Nanchang. After two years, our journey to meet our daughter would end and our life as a family would arrive.
Meeting our daughter
Tess was born in Ningdu, which is more of a county than a town. It is seven hours by car from Nanchang, the capitol. There are not many real roads that connect these two areas, mainly dirt roads. Since the formal Chinese adoption would take place in Nanchang, Tess had to be brought by car to the city. I don't imagine it was an easy trip. Our trip, on the other hand, was quick. Just an hour's flight and we landed at the new Nanchang Airport. Customs and immigration went smoothly. As we exited, the Jiangxi 10 were greeted by Cathy Yu and Connie from Holt. Outside the airport was pretty barren, hard to imagine a city of well over a million was close by. We loaded all our stuff on two mini buses and headed to Nanchang.
As we drove, we could see some farms and buildings. They looked abandoned because many had no windows or doors to block the wind or rain, they were open to the elements. As we got closer, we saw that they were inhabited. Nanchang is considered a southern province and central heat is not widespread even though it snows there during the winter. We would continue to see dwellings like this during our stay. As we traveled toward the city, we
began to see more and more buildings and
traffic began to increase. We crossed a
well known bridge that showcases two
large stone cats at each end. By now, city
traffic was in full swing. Many cities are
known for the crush of cars and pedestrians,
Chinese traffic has to be seen first-hand to be believed. There are stop lights and even timers that count backwards to indicate when the light will change. It's just that no one seems to pay attention to them. Traffic moves at random. Besides trucks, cars and buses, there are dozens of bicycles and even more pedestrians at every intersection. It's chaos. The only way we learned to cope with crossing a street or riding in a vehicle, was simply to not look!
After our exciting experience driving in Nanchang, we pulled up to the Jin Feng Hotel. It is a twenty-two story glass covered structure located in the middle of the city. It is pretty new and seemed very nice. The lobby was quite grand. As our group got our luggage and met in the lobby, Cathy Yu informed us that one baby had already arrived! She looked through her papers and took a call on her cell phone while we were all dying to know who's baby had come. Finally, she said it was the Dimler baby! Wow! We were instantly struck dumb. Where do we go? What do we do? Cathy, with the patience of someone who had done this a few hundred times, told us to go to our room and wait. How we ever found our room was pure luck. There we sat in our room on the eighteenth floor, any minute there would be a knock at the door and the entire universe would shift.
I silently wondered if I would die of heart failure first or the instant explosion of the top of my head. We waited about an hour, and just when I was sure I would die from anticipation, there was a knock at the door.
I opened the door as if I was in a trance, standing there was a young man, a young woman, Connie from Holt and an older woman carrying a baby. The baby laughs. I did not expect so many people, for some reason this really throws me off. I asked them to come in to the room. Connie who apparently is the only one who speaks English says, "this is your baby." The older woman hands the laughing baby to me who then immediately begins to scream. I handed her back. Baby laughs.
We all sit down and begin to talk. I remember pretty much what we talked about, questions about Ningdu, what is the baby like, what does she eat, that kind of thing. The young man is the orphanage Director, the young woman is a medical staff member, the older woman is Tess' foster mother. Until that moment we didn't know that Tess had been in foster care. She has been with Mrs. Yuan for nine months. Some of what is said is just for us to know. We exchange gifts and take pictures. What can we give her to compensate for the nine months of care she has given Tess? We are encouraged to know we will see them all tomorrow at the adoption, we'll have a chance to ask and say more then.
It is time for them to go, Connie has ten other families to unite. Since the first exchange did not go particularly well, Mrs. Yuan hands the baby to Dan. She cries and they depart. The three of us are alone. Tess has a cold, she's hot and she's had a long day. Dan rubs and soothes her and in ten minutes she's asleep. Unbelievable. We have about an hour before we have to be downstairs and have her passport picture taken. She sleeps and we stare at her.
After a while we get her dressed. Dan has to do some paperwork so I will take her for her picture. I'm nervous because she seemed afraid of me before. The nap and Tylenol have helped her fever. She lets me carry her. The conference room is filled with Jiangxi 10 families and a makeshift photo studio. Tess is the first to have her picture taken. She doesn't like being in the chair, Cathy and Connie make noises to get her to smile for the photo. When they snap the picture, Tess reaches out with an iron grip for me. Cathy and Connie are impressed. She holds on to me for dear life. I am her's and she is mine.
That night, Tess slept very well. We had to be up early to go to the adoption proceeding. Our first morning as parents went well, we juggled eating, showering and dressing in a fairly organized fashion. Tess ate very well. We all met in the lobby. A final check of paperwork to make sure we were prepared.
Our buses drove through the busy streets and let us out on a corner, we would walk about a half block. I expected an offical looking building, but we walked into a doorway among many others instead, and through a chilly lobby. Half of us got into the single working elevator which didn't appear to have been recently inspected. As a fairly adventurous person, I was surprised to find myself very afraid we would all die in this elevator. On the way out, we walked down the stairs.
Our group was lead through a hallway of offices, the hall itself was dingy, but the conference room was decorated quite nicely. It was not heated however, and it got pretty chilly. A group from Spain was ahead of us, so we had to wait for our interviews. The Ningdu director was there and so was Tess' foster mom, Mrs. Yuan. Tess was happy to see her and we took turns holding her. Tess liked getting the attention from all of us, so it was a nice time to spend together.
When it was our turn, we all went down the hall to a dingy office. We sat at the desk, Cathy, Connie and the folks from Ningdu were with us. The offical asked if this was the baby we were promised. We said yes. He asked us how long we had been married and why did we want to adopt a baby. We then had to raise our hands and swear we would never abandon Tess, and love her and take care of her. We said we would. They took a stamp of Tess' foot, gave us a gift, and then we were done! Tess was officially our legal daughter!
During our time with Mrs. Yuan, she spent time telling Tess that I ws her mother and Dan was her father. At thirteen months, it's hard to know what Tess understood. But I'll tell you she understood a change had been made. After that conversation Tess held on to me even harder than before. Before we left for China, I had hoped that Tess would not have been in foster care because I feared the separation from her foster family would be so hard on her. Once we met Mrs. Yuan I knew my fear was true. However, I was wrong about a very important thing. Tess' attachment to her foster mom allowed her to then attach strongly to us. It was hard on her, and I grieved with Tess, but Mrs. Yuan taught Tess to love. We were the only family to meet the foster family-if there was one. Now, I would not exchange the circumstances for anything in the world. I owe Mrs. Yuan a debt of gratitude. I think of her often, and in my heart she is my sister.
Nanchang
We stayed in Nanchang for a week. The main reason was for the government to prepare Tess' Chinese passport. Once we got that, we could all move on to Guangzhou and apply for a visa for Tess to enter the United States. After the adoption we did not have much paperwork to do, so our time was spent getting to know our daughters and doing some sightseeing. At first, it seemed to all of us that it was a waste of time, but this waiting period was very valuable.
Our daughters got to know us with the familiar smells of food and sounds of language around them. I believe this made the
transition easier for them. Plus, it was
a great help to have the other families
around for support.
We went shopping in a state-owned
department store. We also visited some
ceramic stores that highlighted the china Jiangxi
is known for. We went to the Tengwang
Pavilion and an artist's colony. We also went
to the Nanchang Social Welfare Institute which houses a very large orphanage. The Nanchang SWI works closely with Holt International and they had recently built a new infant ward. Previous families had not always been able to visit the orphanage, particularly a few years ago when the western press had reported the poor conditions of Chinese orphanages. Because the government is very proud of the Nanchang facility, we were welcomed to see it. They receive about 600 infants each year, in addition they house special needs children and the elderly. It was an emotional experience.
On our last full day in Nanchang we drove outside the busy city area to a village. This would allow us to get a better idea of how typical people lived. The area did not have running water and women were washing clothes in a river nearby. Many of the building's doors and windows were open to the air. Families lived in two or three rooms with cement floors and little electricity. At first I felt odd entering this village, because we caused lots of commotion. Everyone came out to meet us and see the babies. They were friendly and showed us around. They raised chickens there, I had never seen a chicken farm before, and that is probably the last one I'd like to see. I have to admit, I was shocked at the poor living conditions considering this was "typical". I asked Connie if the area Tess was from was similar to this village. She said, no, Ningdu is much, much poorer.
A friend of ours from China was disappointed when she heard we were going to Jiangxi Province. She had hoped we would get to travel to a more cosmopolitan city.
I think that Nanchang was a very good city to see. I left having a better idea of how people in Chinese cities live and a greater insight into how people in remote areas might live.
By our last morning in Nanchang, Tess' cold was much better. I still could not leave the room without her, but she was bonding nicely with Dan through their mutual affection for food! She was eating like a good old fashioned pig. We had introduced her to the bathtub, a disaster at first, but she was getting used to it. Tess was a good traveler and inspected everything (a trait she still has). She really wanted to walk, but didn't have enough strength...yet. Our family unit was being built day by day. Since she was eating and sleeping, we figured we must be getting the hang of it too.
On our way to the airport, we picked up the girl's passports. I had mixed feelings about leaving Nanchang. I wanted to move on to Guangzhou, but in Nanchang I became a mother. I promised myself that we would all come back some day, and we got on the plane headed to Guangzhou.
Guangzhou
Tess took the short flight in stride and we landed in Guangzhou in an hour. Our destination was the White Swan Hotel, otherwise known as the "baby hotel" because most of the international consulates are in Guangzhou, and they are within a block of the hotel. Tess would receive her visa to come to the U.S. at the American consulate.
We were met at the airport by Holly Bergman, Connie Li and Eva Nie from Holt. White Swan bell-men graciously took our luggage, we were really looking forward to our stay. The White Swan is very famous in China, many people told us how lovely it was. It is located on Shamian Island and it overlooks the Pearl River. After a short bus ride, we arrived. It was everything everyone had said it was. Our room was on the 17th floor with a great view of the river. The weather was balmy, we were lucky for the whole trip to have unseasonally warm temperatures in Hong Kong, Nanchang and Guangzhou (we had heard it had snowed and was very cold at home).
Although we were ready to go to sleep, Dan needed to go down to the Holt office in the hotel to complete one more final check of paperwork before our appointment at the consulate in the morning. There could be no errors or discrepencies of any kind once we got to the appointment. I have not written a great deal about the paperwork in China. Adoption, of any kind, is a paperchase. In China, it is an art form. They do not tolerate errors or documents that have expired according to their time limitations. We would check, and check, and check again to make sure everything was in order. A good international agency assists their families in being prepared. Holt was not a good agency; it was a fantastic agency! Eva and Holly confirmed everything looked great.
The next morning, Wednesday, we all met in the lobby. Our first stop was a short walk to a medical clinic for a brief examination of the girls. Then we walked to the consulate. It was a beautiful morning and the walk was enjoyable.
The U.S. Consulate is a walled compound. There were about two hundred Chinese people lined up, probably to apply for visas to travel to the U.S. We thought the wait would take a lifetime. To our surprise, we were led to a separate entrance where once in side we were scanned and searched. Never will I underestimate the global power of an American passport.
We were led into the building and up to a waiting area and then into a conference room with several desks. We were one of the first to be interviewed. An American official checked the paperwork, asked us to raise our right hands and swear we would never abandon Tess and stamped the paperwork. The visa would be ready the next day. As our families completed this last step, we applauded them until the officials asked us to stop. I still don't know why this bothered them, but we weren't about to ruffle any feathers at this point.
That afternoon, a business aquaintance of Dan's, Richard Tam, met us for lunch. After, we decided to venture out and try to find the antiques market and well known Qing Ping market. The taxi let us out by a new mall, filled with five stories of stores selling jade beads-the SAME jade beads. That's China. We walked around, but didn't find the market even though we were a half block away. We came back with Holly and Eva the next day with the group and found it.
We also shopped around the hotel. That area of Shamian Island was a European haven for many years before the revolution. The architecture looks more like France or Italy. It is very picturesque. Many of the shops cater to adoptive families with Chinese cultural clothing, artwork and gifts.
On Thursday, the visas arrived and The Jiangxi 10 met in the lobby to take a picture of all the girls on one of the White Swan's red couches. It is a tradition with Holt families. This would be the last time all the girls would be together before we left for home early Friday morning. On the count of three, we all put the girls down on the couch, ran away quickly, and took the picture before they realized what was happening! It is hard to explain how deeply our girls and our families are connected. They are bonded like sisters and we are forever part of a mutual extended family. It was a bittersweet moment for everyone.
Going Home
Our flight to Hong Kong Friday morning was quick, under an hour. We had just about five hours in the Hong Kong Airport before our flight for Los Angeles left. We ate lunch, shopped in the mall there, which was very nice and played with Tess. The flight to the U.S. would take twelve hours. There were twenty three babies on our flight-a Cathay Pacific record since the airlifts out of Viet Nam.
Tess played, cried and slept in that order during the flight. She did okay. I was emotional to land in Los Angeles, I was no doubt very tired. Happy to be back, sad to have left.
We needed to clear immigration and customs. They had a special area for adoptive parents-a very good idea. Our last paper dance was mercifully painless. We waited for our luggage and said our goodbyes to some of the families on our flight. As we cleared customs, to our great surprise, we were met by Dan's sister, Ellen, her daughter Maxie and our good friend, Andy Szejda. They were our first family and friends to meet Tess.
We all got lunch, we had a couple hours before the flight to Chicago. We were so happy visiting we almost missed the flight! The flight to Chicago was easy, Tess slept the whole way. I could not wait to get home. When we landed, we were met at the gate by my dad, Tom Murphy, another great surprise!
Our limo took us quickly to Wisconsin and my mom was waiting in the driveway! It was about 11pm in Racine, I have no idea what time my body thought it was. I was so glad to be home, Tess laughed at the dogs and bounced on the couch. It seemed like she had always been here.
The next few days we recovered from our jet-lag. I had never been so tired in my life! Within a week, Tess met all her grandparents, neighbors and tons of friends. She settled in very quickly and by the next week she had learned to walk. Our trip to China already seemed like an elaborate dream. We could not believe how blessed and lucky we were and continue to be.
Epilogue
A new baby is a momentous occasion for every family. Adopting is no exception. The feelings are the same, the delivery room was just a little farther! Telling our story is a way to show what a miracle adoption is and what a fantastic experience it was, especially to those who are considering building a family this way.
For our family, we have a love for our daughter's country of origin that directly competes with our love of the U.S. Even though she will no doubt be an American kid, there is a part of me always in China. It gave me the greatest gift of my entire
life, and I am forever in her debt.
We will go back to China to visit when Tess is older. I look forward to sharing that experience once again with her. Thank you for reading our story. If you know Tess, you already know how phenominal she is, if you do not, I hope I have conveyed that to you.
My sincere thanks to my husband, Dan, Holt International and Lutheran Social Services of Milwaukee, to our incredibly supportive family and friends, to the officials of the Ningdu Orphanage, Jiangxi Province and the Chinese government, to Mrs. Yuan and finally, to Ning Huang Yuan, my beautiful baby girl. I love you.
